The Wrong Potion

When is it too much love?

I found this prompt on Reddit: A scatterbrained witch mixes up potion ingredients, accidentally causing her entire village to fall in love with her. Now she has to figure out where the spell went wrong and how to craft an antidote…

Photo by Nastia Petruk on Unsplash

“What could it have been, was it the oysters?” Mirena leafed through her grimoire looking for an answer. She peered out the window, her hut was swarmed with infatuated villagers. “Lady Mirena, please heed us! We are deeply in love with you. Please, share in our love with us.”

She waved her hands and a pair of wooden planks floated towards the windows to board them. “This is all too much. Where is my coven when I need them?” She dashed over to her table and peered her into crystal ball.

“Anyone? Do the sights fail me now?” As the clouds within swirled, finally she saw a vision of her closest friend, Gorguetta. “Ah, finally! Help, I seem to have wooed the entire village with my potion.”

Gorguetta pouted. She replied, “Well, at least your potion worked. I’ve been trying for months and not a single suitor. Are you just bragging?”

Mirena shook her head, “Trust me, no one would want this. Soon enough they’ll swarm, I’ll be crushed in their boundless love!”

“Rub it in, why don’t you? You’re on your own with this one.” The vision faded back into an incoherent cloud. Mirena drooped her head.

“Alone now. How do I do this?” Mirena’s eyes darted around the room, looking for her escape. Her broom was missing. She whipped out the grimoire again.

“Ok, to release the charm I have to…ok, just a bit of saltpeter, lizard blood, and boiled water. Ooh, I can make it a mist! That would be the best approach.” Mirena dashed about the hut, grabbing the ingredients from locations that a neutral observer could never fathom but that she knew very well.

As she started mixing, she thought, “You know, it may actually help to have a few hands around the house. After all, I have need of assistance in my craft and…”She peered into her bedroom, “…other needs.” She stroked her chin, “I’m thinking five. But how am I going to get five suitable partners out of this?” She finished mixing up the counter-charm mist and started planning her next move.

A few minutes later, Mirena opened the door to her hut. “All right, everybody! I have most wonderful news. I am looking for love as well, but alas I have only room for five. So what I’ll need is for everybody to line up single file and I’ll conduct a short 5 minute interview. Given that there are only…” She counted with her finger, “…five thousand of you, it shouldn’t take more than seven hours.”

Over the course of the seven hours, Mirena amassed about 12 candidates for her planned harem. A couple of himbos, several apprentice witches, and a few nonbinary people for good measures. She even reserved someone for Gorguetta as a gesture of goodwill. After whittling them down to her final five, she gestured to the village.

“All right, I’ve made my choice. The rest of you can go back home. I’ll be lifting the charm from you.” Mirena sprayed her mist throughout the air, but instead of their amorous yearnings fading, they instead started desiring each other. The entire village began a truly scandalous makeout session. Mirena shrugged as she took her newfound harem back to her hut, “At least everyone’s happy.”